Flavor of the Week: The Jonas Brothers

joejonas

You may have seen it, you may not have, but Joe Jonas spilled all of his dirty little secrets in a killer essay published in New York Magazine. With all of the hubbub surrounding Mr. Jonas and his artsy choice of facial hair, I thought it would be nice to throw it back to the Jonas Brothers. At one point or another, you loved them.

They had such an interesting family dynamic. You had Nick, who was the cutest and the youngest. He seemed like a wise, old soul who was inevitably the brains behind the operation. There was Joe, who was absolutely gorgeous but lacked a certain depth I was really seeking out in a teenaged male pop star to fall in love with. Then there was Kevin. Ah, Kevin. He smiled with his mouth closed a lot, nodded his head often, and wasn’t… well… hot. And I respected him for that. I’m not going to say he was my favorite Jonas just because that would be the alternative thing to do, because he wasn’t. But he seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

I was never obsessed with the Jonas Brothers nor was I ever obsessed with any boy band. I think that ability to obsesses is either something you have in your system, or you something you don’t. Every girl I know that was obsessed with the Jonas Brothers had also been obsessed with a million other Disney stars at some point in her life. And when I say obsessed, I mean obsessed. I try to understand how someone else’s life can be that interesting. Why is it that we attach ourselves to people we’ll never really know? There are the obvious excuses–we’re bored, we don’t like ourselves, we don’t like the lives we choose to lead, etc. I feel like there must be something bigger than that, though. Human fascination with other humans is just as troubling as human fascination with crazy things like aliens and killer whales… and the Jonas Brothers.

When the JoBros broke up, they had already fizzled out. While it was sad to the die-hards in my generation, it didn’t mean much to society. They had their peak, they did their thing. And let me tell you, Joe Jonas went out as gracefully as ever. Though his piece is long, it’s worth reading every word. He’s brutally honest in a way that sort-of shattered my view of the Disney star and sort-of was exactly what I needed to hear. As I submerged myself in his words about losing his virginity (but what about the promise rings?????!!!!!) and smoking weed with Miley (every current teenager’s dream come true), I realized that along with Joe Jonas, a chapter of my life had also closed. He’s growing up, and we are too. Farewell, JoBros.


On Concert Etiquette

Going to concerts has always been and will always be a huge part of my life. I’ve seen over sixty, and that’s not counting the dozens of shows at the small indie venue my extended family used to own. My dad was a Deadhead and won my mom over by picking up her righty acoustic guitar, flipping it upside down (he was a lefty), and serenading her in her college apartment. Without music, there’s a legitimate chance I wouldn’t even be here right now.

That being said, I figured it was time I did a post on concerts. I was having a lot of trouble deciding which angle I should take because the wealth of information I could share about shows is enough to fill my first book. After some hefty brainstorming and a hefty hangover, I came up with an idea. This week, I wanted to do things a little differently.

Last night, I went to Kanye West at Madison Square Garden. It was nothing short of a religious experience. This nice Jewish girl is now a firm believer that Jesus–rather, Yeezus–walks (metaphorically, of course… don’t fret, Rabbi). Since I’ve been to so many shows in the first quarter of my life, I’ve become accustomed to creating the perfect concert-going experience. My night with Kanye was perfect. But I wondered… if FYDers were in my shoes, what would they do? I sent out a little Google survey to everyone I knew and had as many people as possible anonymously fill out answers to a few questions I conjured up. First, I’m going to list you the questions followed by my fav reader responses. Then, I’ll answer the questions from my POV, revealing how shit actually went down last night. Look at me, blogging on the edge. Trippy.

"I just talked to Jesus, he said whaddup fro-yo" --Kanye West, I Am A God

“I just talked to Jesus, he said whaddup fro-yo” –Kanye West, I Am A God

1. I’m going to a Kanye West concert. What should I wear/how should I look?
“HOT! look like Kim K he likes that” –female, 18
“All black, everything. Very chic, but then again, you are going to be surrounded by thousands of people that all think Kanye is next coming of Christ, so what you wear won’t really matter, cuz no one will notice.” –female, 18
“jeans converse tee” –female, 18 [This made me LOL]
“jeans, comfortable but cool heeled boots, dark top, leather jacket” –female, 18
“You know how much I love that fur vest…” –supposedly female, 18, but I think this is actually my mom
And the best response… “I dont know i wouldnt go to a kanye west concert. I would however know what to where to a zac brown band concert. A cowboy hat” –male, 19

2. Should I go to the concert intoxicated?
“YESSS DUH” –female, 18
“intoxicated with alcohol? no. should you be fucked up on molly? yes.” –female, 18
“yes kayne sucks so being drunk would make it better” –female, 18 [Kanye doesn’t suck, anon 18 year old female]
“Maybe a little” –female, 18
And the best response… “intoxicated is a strong word. Do whatever you feel the need to do to enjoy yourself, whether that includes alcohol or not.” –female, 18

3. Should I go to the concert intoxicated?
Yes, I repeated the same question twice. It’s because I went to the concert intoxicated. Just kidding, it’s because I don’t know how to make a Google survey.

4. If I haven’t bought my tickets yet, where should I sit or stand? Why?
“In close enough proximity to snap a quality insta pic, but not close enough to be spending absurd amounts of money for that ticket.” –female, 18 [Whoever you are, I love you]
“Stand because who wants to sit down when they’re drunk?” –female, 18
“where you can breath and DANCE DUH” –female, 18, who can’t spell breathe
“????? How are you there without a ticket?” –female, 18, who likes question marks
And the best response… “sit. on stage. because.” –female, 18

5. HELP! I don’t know any of the words. What should I do??? 
“i dont know how to respond to this” –male, 19
“You have plenty of time to memorize that shit. Worst case scenario, if you sing “watermelon” over and over it looks like you know all the words to everything.” –female, 18
“like right now this very second? you’re at the concert and you don’t know words? lol why. why would you go to a concert you don’t know the words to the songs to. um if it really matters that much to you, look it up on your phone? i’d just try to relax and enjoy the moment and dance or something. no point in trying to memorize the words now.” –female, 17, oh wow
“scream” –female, 18
And the best response… “vomit everywhere. no one will question you for not singing along” –female, 18

6. How should I go about making “concert friends?” How much true personal info should I give my “concert friends?” 
“oh lol i don’t know” –female, 17
“you dont make concert friends, just dance with random people” –female, 18
“not a lot just get stoned with them” –male, 19
And the best response… “do molly. no personal info, but do have sex with them.” –female, 18

7. What should I do if I get lost and my phone died? 
“Memorize the number of someone you are going to the concert with. That way, you can always call someone (or your mom).” –female, 18, but I really think it’s my mom
“Ask one of your concert friends to borrow their phone duh” –female, 17
“Borrow a normal looking person’s phone and call the really cute boy you’re obviously with.” –female, 18, YESSSS
“Cry and wander around and cry some more!” –female, 18
“pray” –female, 18
And the best response… “ask kanye for a charger” –female, 18

Now, here’s how it all happened frealz:

1. I’m going to a Kanye West concert. What should I wear/how should I look?
This girl nailed it: “jeans, comfortable but cool heeled boots, dark top, leather jacket” –female, 18. I wore black silk harem pants, suede heeled booties, a black bustier, and a moto jacket. All black everything. Always.

2. Should I go to the concert intoxicated?

3. Should I go to the concert intoxicated? 
Still hangin’ out up there.

4. If I haven’t bought my tickets yet, where should I sit or stand? Why? 
When you’re going to see someone like Yeezy, it’s GA or die. No brainer. Usually, it’s GA or die.

5. HELP! I don’t know any of the words. What should I do???
I happen to be wildly infatuated with Yeezus so I knew every word to every song. But if you don’t, just dance a lot and flaunt your tacky neon concert outfit.

6. How should I go about making “concert friends?” How much true personal info should I give my “concert friends?” 
How am I supposed to go about making concert friends if I’m too antisocial to make real friends? But when I do make concert friends, I sometimes tell them my name is Darcy. Don’t really know why.

7. What should I do if I get lost and my phone died? 
I didn’t get lost but my phone did die right after I ordered an Uber home (ugh). Then I tried to use a payphone and finally gave up on it after my seventh try–so millennial of me. Then I cried a little and took the last bus home. The end.
 


Flavor of the Week: Boy Bands

It is shocking to me that America has always been so accepting of boy bands, yet so reluctant to accept gay marriage. Especially when gay men are stereotypically well groomed while boy band members are known for their Ramen noodle-resembling hair. Is this not the most confusing precedent ever set?????

We’re talking about you, Justin.

Nevertheless, boy bands are about as traditional as grilled chicken in a chopped salad. We have always loved them and we always will. However, the culture of the band of the boy has drastically changed. Once,  you could get any eight year-old male to cry themselves a river (ha, see what I did there?) at the sight of the Backstreet Boys or NSYNC. Do you see 21st century boys willing to throw themselves in front of a One Direction tour bus? No, you don’t, and there’s a reason for that.

Boy band culture is, unfortunately, on the decline. Once, boy bands were all about hair gel, harmonics, iconic CD covers, and brotherhood. There was certainly a specific AEPi-ness that held bands together like glue until they got too fat and too old–

(case in point: Joey Fat-one)

I mean, until they had “creative differences” that tore not only the bands apart but also the hearts of young boys and girls around the world. If boy bands were still as good as they once were, wouldn’t all kids still have a dedicated passion for them?

Besides, we liked boy bands for their music. Boy bands today, like One Direction, The Wanted, and Tegan and Sara (jk lol, I actually love Tegan and Sara) are worshipped at the same level as Hashem (BTW, happy Rosh y’all) because of their appearances. Think about it–were you ever sexually attracted to anyone in NSYNC or in the Backstreet Boys besides the obvious JT and Nick Carter? No, and don’t even try to defend that. You liked them for what boy band culture is all about–for their music.

I think that the era of the boy band has come to a close, and while I appreciate NSYNC’s attempt to resurrect the 90s at the VMAs, I saw it more as a blast to the past than an everlasting reunion. That’s why JT only let them sing a total of three words each–it wasn’t because JT is more talented or good looking than the rest of them, and it’s not because JT thinks that he’s better than them (HAHA OK)–it’s because that performance was just meant to be a gentle reminder of a better time; a time when toddlers didn’t have iPod touches and your favorite record was not platinum, but it was “black & blue.”


On Techno

Before you read, let me set the tone for this week’s post with a personal Vine of my own.

One of my father’s unique qualities is his taste in music. That is, he loves every type of music out there. You can get into his car and at any given time find yourself listening to the Grateful Dead, 90’s grunge. He could also be caught singing along to every word of the song “High” by Big Sean (I kid you not). Luckily, some of his appreciation for the sung word rubbed off on me. I am not nearly as talented as my dad, with his perfect pitch and his ability to hear any song once and perform it flawlessly on one of his seven (maybe eight, I lost count) beautiful guitars. However, I do have a small piece of the “music gene” in me… or at least I like to think so.

Nevertheless, there is one genre out there that neither my father nor myself have been able to take a firm grasp of. And this genre, of course, is “techno.”

The rave scene and the music that comes with it (house, dubstep, electronic, etc.) has literally become a cult movement in our generation. While I know a hundred kids that will tell me that techno is not only a legitimate form of music, but is a way of life, I am still wildly intrigued by its true influence and what makes it so damn good.

This is not to say that I don’t often enjoy electronic music. It’s obviously fun, it’s obviously fun to dance to, it obviously gets anyone pumped up for a big night out, and it obviously makes me feel like Miley Cyrus while she’s “tryna get a line in the bathroom.” Who would complain about any of those evoked emotions? Hence, ravers of the world, do not get offended by my opinion. PLUR–I come in peace. If I could use the deuces emoji, I would right now. I’m sending you all mad love from the neon embers of the world wide web. My question is, however, why now?

My first guess is that technology is evolving at an overwhelming pace. We’ve reached the point where technology is no longer only a means through which we can learn and advance. It’s now used in a way to connect people all around the world with a five-minute song that speaks in a language of its own. Techno music is the adaptation of modern technology to culture. In an interesting way, its ability to break barriers is uncanny.

ooooohhh, aaahhhhh

There is something about electronic music that stems father than this; there must be another reason why a movement can turn the entire music industry around almost as much as the birth of rock n’ roll did in the 1950’s. I think it has to do with “the feeling.”

“The feeling” is an imaginary term that I made up in my mind that explains the way one’s body reacts when listening to techno. Even if you don’t like this type of music–no matter how much of a blasphemy you claim that it is because you think that you and your thick-rimmed fake glasses gotta stick it to the indie scene–you have got to admit that you get “the feeling.” “The feeling” is totally physical, similarly to how I feel about Justin Bieber. Just kidding–I would never like a guy for just his body. Who would do that?!???!!

“The feeling” has to do with the psychological effects of techno music and the way your brain receives these unexpected sounds… like a drop in a song, for example. Then, your brain sends out groovy frequencies to your heart and your belly and then you feel kinda like there’s an earthquake inside of you and you could potentially vomit but in a good way.

We are bored. We spend way too much time on Facebook and way too much time watching TV illegally watching Breaking Bad on our computers. So, we listen to techno, we get “the feeling,” and we feel alive. Literally, your body is shaken out of whatever funk it was in and you want to dance. The excessive need to work makes life boring on the daily. The norm has become unacceptable, so now we have techno to shoot static sounds across our nerves. And remember, you’re hearing this from someone who has a soft side for Joni Mitchell and Sheryl Crow, so it must have some value.

What’s next when our bodies become comfortably numb to techno? I should ask my dad. He’ll probs know.


Flavor of the Week: Yeezus

Because Kanye West’s new album, Yeezus, is supposedly a literal work of God, I thought it was worth a good haiku review. Surprisingly, and probably unlike most other females I would typically associate myself with, I actually really like this album and listen to it in its entirety at least once a day… not even kidding. However, that doesn’t mean I’m not about to go all out HAM on these haikus.

Yeezus by Kanye West

1. On Sight
Aliens invade
Mixed with an unfortunate
Song by Depeche Mode
[*note–if you have never heard an unfortunate song by Depeche Mode, listen here. The lyrics start at 0:35, but the music video is funny enough to compensate for the ear bleed. I promise, you’ll laugh.] 
 
2. Black Skinhead
Is it me, or is
This song not from “The
Lion King” soundtrack?
 
 
3. I Am A God (by Kanye West and God)
Thank the heavens* that
Hashem was able to make
This recording sesh! 
[*Lolz, punny]
 
4. New Slaves
Kanye gets deep with
These lyrics. Also Alvin
(The chipmunk) sings some. 
 
5. Hold My Liquor
I really like this.
Do not understand how he
is a lightweight though…?
 
6. I’m In It
Audio track from
Kim’s sex tape plus Kanye’s good
time with “Asian girl.” 
 
7. Blood On The Leaves
Beauty. Kanye got
Zero’s g-ma from “Holes” to
Sing it. Amirite?
 

“You must carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain and sing ‘Blood On The Leaves’ while I drink.”

 
8. Guilt Trip
Wait, what? I just got
Distracted by an Insta
Of Scott Disick’s beard.
 
Screen shot 2013-07-09 at 8.33.56 PM
 
9. Send It Up
What is he sending
Up and please tell me why it
Is not going down??????
 
10. Bound 2
Best on Yeezus. Sing
This to me and we can get 
Married. Pinky swear. 
 

Happy listening!

Love,

Your Most Trusted And Knowledgeable Source For All Music Review Haikus, Especially Those In The Rap Genre (because obviously) (haha jokes).

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Flavor of the Week: The Great Gatsby Soundtrack

Recently, I have gone through two musical phases. In last Sunday’s post, I mentioned how I could not get out of bed because I was glued to the new JT album and pretended that I was the star of the “Mirrors” music video and acted out the entire song for a few hours. My second musical phase involves none other than The Great Gatsby’s soundtrack. It is beautiful in so many ways, and has quickly made its way to the top of my “Most Played” list on iTunes. Just in case you have not heard it, I will provide you with a thoughtful review of the album, song by song, written in haiku form.

1. “Bang Bang” – will.i.am
Did they have auto
Tune in the 1920’s?
Awks for will.i.am
 
2. “A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got)” – Fergie, Q-Tip & GoonRock
A warehouse rave and
Moulin Rouge give birth to
Fergalicious song.
 
3. “Young And Beautiful” – Lana Del Rey
Makes me cry every
Time I hear it because I
Think that I’m Daisy
 
4. “Love Is the Drug” – Bryan Ferry with The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
Bryan Ferry, who
Are you and what is this
song. I don’t get it.
 
5. “Over the Love” – Florence & The Machine
Perf for the album
Makes sense in context of the
Movie, finally
 
6. “Where The Wind Blows” – Coco O. of Quadron
This makes me forget
That I have OCD and
I feel down to chill.
 
7. “Crazy in Love” – Emeli Sandé and The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
I think that when I
Sing along I sound just like
I am Sasha Fierce
 
8. “Together” – The xx
If you are a crack
Head then you will enjoy
This song. LOL
 
9. “Hearts a Mess” – Gotye
Very eerie but
Like a good song you know what
I’m talking about?
 
10. “Love Is Blindness” – Jack White
This song will play in
The background when I’m giving
Birth in my movie
 
11. “Into the Past” – Nero
Weird breathing at start
Better suited for Twilight
Or a porno flick
 
12. “Kill and Run” – Sia
Sia thinks she is
Adele in this song but it’s
OK I like it

Because this soundtrack is so incredible, go and see The Great Gatsby. Especially if you’ve read the book. If you haven’t read the book, go and see it anyways. Just don’t act like you’ve read the book because that would be pretentious and annoying.