Flavor of the Week: Boy Bands

It is shocking to me that America has always been so accepting of boy bands, yet so reluctant to accept gay marriage. Especially when gay men are stereotypically well groomed while boy band members are known for their Ramen noodle-resembling hair. Is this not the most confusing precedent ever set?????

We’re talking about you, Justin.

Nevertheless, boy bands are about as traditional as grilled chicken in a chopped salad. We have always loved them and we always will. However, the culture of the band of the boy has drastically changed. Once,  you could get any eight year-old male to cry themselves a river (ha, see what I did there?) at the sight of the Backstreet Boys or NSYNC. Do you see 21st century boys willing to throw themselves in front of a One Direction tour bus? No, you don’t, and there’s a reason for that.

Boy band culture is, unfortunately, on the decline. Once, boy bands were all about hair gel, harmonics, iconic CD covers, and brotherhood. There was certainly a specific AEPi-ness that held bands together like glue until they got too fat and too old–

(case in point: Joey Fat-one)

I mean, until they had “creative differences” that tore not only the bands apart but also the hearts of young boys and girls around the world. If boy bands were still as good as they once were, wouldn’t all kids still have a dedicated passion for them?

Besides, we liked boy bands for their music. Boy bands today, like One Direction, The Wanted, and Tegan and Sara (jk lol, I actually love Tegan and Sara) are worshipped at the same level as Hashem (BTW, happy Rosh y’all) because of their appearances. Think about it–were you ever sexually attracted to anyone in NSYNC or in the Backstreet Boys besides the obvious JT and Nick Carter? No, and don’t even try to defend that. You liked them for what boy band culture is all about–for their music.

I think that the era of the boy band has come to a close, and while I appreciate NSYNC’s attempt to resurrect the 90s at the VMAs, I saw it more as a blast to the past than an everlasting reunion. That’s why JT only let them sing a total of three words each–it wasn’t because JT is more talented or good looking than the rest of them, and it’s not because JT thinks that he’s better than them (HAHA OK)–it’s because that performance was just meant to be a gentle reminder of a better time; a time when toddlers didn’t have iPod touches and your favorite record was not platinum, but it was “black & blue.”


Flavor of the Week: The Great Gatsby Soundtrack

Recently, I have gone through two musical phases. In last Sunday’s post, I mentioned how I could not get out of bed because I was glued to the new JT album and pretended that I was the star of the “Mirrors” music video and acted out the entire song for a few hours. My second musical phase involves none other than The Great Gatsby’s soundtrack. It is beautiful in so many ways, and has quickly made its way to the top of my “Most Played” list on iTunes. Just in case you have not heard it, I will provide you with a thoughtful review of the album, song by song, written in haiku form.

1. “Bang Bang” – will.i.am
Did they have auto
Tune in the 1920’s?
Awks for will.i.am
 
2. “A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got)” – Fergie, Q-Tip & GoonRock
A warehouse rave and
Moulin Rouge give birth to
Fergalicious song.
 
3. “Young And Beautiful” – Lana Del Rey
Makes me cry every
Time I hear it because I
Think that I’m Daisy
 
4. “Love Is the Drug” – Bryan Ferry with The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
Bryan Ferry, who
Are you and what is this
song. I don’t get it.
 
5. “Over the Love” – Florence & The Machine
Perf for the album
Makes sense in context of the
Movie, finally
 
6. “Where The Wind Blows” – Coco O. of Quadron
This makes me forget
That I have OCD and
I feel down to chill.
 
7. “Crazy in Love” – Emeli Sandé and The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
I think that when I
Sing along I sound just like
I am Sasha Fierce
 
8. “Together” – The xx
If you are a crack
Head then you will enjoy
This song. LOL
 
9. “Hearts a Mess” – Gotye
Very eerie but
Like a good song you know what
I’m talking about?
 
10. “Love Is Blindness” – Jack White
This song will play in
The background when I’m giving
Birth in my movie
 
11. “Into the Past” – Nero
Weird breathing at start
Better suited for Twilight
Or a porno flick
 
12. “Kill and Run” – Sia
Sia thinks she is
Adele in this song but it’s
OK I like it

Because this soundtrack is so incredible, go and see The Great Gatsby. Especially if you’ve read the book. If you haven’t read the book, go and see it anyways. Just don’t act like you’ve read the book because that would be pretentious and annoying.