Flavor of the Week: The Hamptons

…to the Hamptons.

Just the name brings back pings of luxury and memories of the endless struggle of keeping your hair as tame as possible when going out at night.  What once was a place of family fun and average-income couples who drink beer on their motel porches until 2 a.m. has now become a harboring for hipsters and young, wealthy 20-somethings alike. I’m out here for a week, but if I see a table of guys wearing cuffed jeans and tight yellow cutoffs while I’m eating my egg white omelet one more time, I might have to leave. And you know me—it is a rare occasion when I let an egg white omelet go unfinished.

The Hamptons are really dreamy, and I say that in all seriousness. You drive out of the city along this thin strip of highway for a couple of hours until you get to a totally isolated but glamorous beach community full of the young, the beautiful, and the wealthy.

So basically, it’s a Lana Del Rey song.

There is a certain stigma about going “to the Hamptons.” Like:

“I’m going to be in the Hamptons next week.”

You’re going to be in the Hamptons?! Same! Let’s totally get together for lunch one day.”

This is all fab, except a) these two people are blind to the fact that one of them is probably going to Quogue or Westhampton, both of which are 100,000 miles from every other Hampton (put it this way—Cady Heron is to Westhampton as Regina George is to East Hampton) hence the fact that “getting lunch” would actually be way more convenient at home in Westchester, and b) this conversation was 60% actual interest in making plans and 40% an ego boost so that each person could say out loud that she is going to the Hamptons. Scratch that—make it 50/50.

The Hamptons are respected by all, including the rich and famous, and especially by Kanye West. He gives a pretty nice shout out in Yeezus’ “New Slaves”…

They prolly all in the Hamptons
Bragging ’bout what they made
F— you and your Hampton house
I’ll f— your Hampton spouse
Came on her Hampton blouse
And in her Hampton mouth

…so that’s all really appropriate, censored, and lovely. As you can tell from Yeezus himself, the Hamptons are all about good ol’ fashioned family fun. Good stuff.

 

 



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