When I was in sixth grade and going through a lot of anxiety, I lived off of two things: water, and gum. I was convinced that a combination of these two totally nutritious staples would prevent me from throwing up, like ever. Well, I suppose they worked, as I made it through my year without vomiting once. Since, I have had a strange obsession with gum. Then again, pretty much every babe does.
This is the round-up of my fave types of gum in no particular order:
- Orbit. It’s very classic. Has a fresh flavor, but is not too exuberant. Loses flavor faster than I’d like to admit.
- Stride. Flavor jacked. Super juicy. Love it. I only get the green one, though.
- Trident. The type of Trident that I chew—the small packs with those cute pieces, although that is not a great description (also, is there any other type of Trident? Idk…)—is pretty shitty gum and loses flavor in about 1/8 of the time it takes me to put on overalls or give up on a liquid-only diet. However, I’m literally obsessed with the packaging. Great fruity flavors too. Only fruity gum I’ll chew.
- 5. 5 is good and reminds me of expensive and luxurious things because it names its gum after the natural elements. Kinda makes me feel like Katara from Avatar the Last Airbender.
Gum solves a lot of problems for me. When I am hungry, I chew gum. After I eat, I need to chew gum. When I’m nervous, I chew gum. When I go out, I chew gum. When I drove up the side of the tallest mountain in Turkey in my host father’s VW on the wrong side of the road, I chewed gum. I brought 15 packs of gum with me to Turkey. Turkish gum is “gum” flavored. It’s very interesting. Chewing gum is like being a born-again virgin after you ate 100% of your Chipotle bowl when you know you should have eaten max 70% of it.
True life: last weekend, I came home late and fell asleep chewing a piece of gum. I woke up the next morning, still chewing that piece of gum. I will accept gum as a birthday present. I don’t like cinnamon gum. Not to be picky, just saying.