Flavor of the Week: 4th of July

#friedchicken #redwhiteblue #sleepawaycamp #allgirls #lesbians #what

These are the things that come to my mind when I think of the 4th of July. This festive holiday is filled with fattening foods with way too much red food coloring in them and an inexplicable amount of Old Navy t-shirts circa, like, 2007. I know it may seem premature of me to discuss the 4th of July in April, but the truth is, it is never too early to discuss it. Because, in all honesty, I have a small obsession with it.

When you ponder the true essence of our country’s greatest Beer-BQ holiday, you probably think of your times at sleep-away camp where boys would use the day as an excuse to walk around shirtless and girls whip out those red and white Sugar Lips tank tops for an afternoon of ├╝ber layering fun (!!!!), paired with, obv, your hottest daisy dukes.

Me n ma girls #sisters

The ladies who brunch in our bunk, with brunch


When I went to camp, I was known for going all-out HAM on 4th of July decorations. I started the tradition when I was ten and I was a pretty round-shaped child and I don’t think at the time I had any friends that actually liked me. (The same summer, I starred as “The Wall of Thorns” in my age group’s production of Sleeping Beauty and I shit my pants in the middle of the show… to give you some perspective.) Still, I insisted on waking myself up in the middle of the night, making very loud noises both because of my heavy breathing and the fact that my overweight nature make an awful lot of creaks in the floor, and I decorated every inch of the bunk in sight. I did it every summer since.

Maybe it was a subconscious thing, like I thought everyone would wake up and be like “Woah!!!! This girl Hannah has the–legit–coolest decorations we’ve ever seen!!! She should definitely be popular!!!” which, of course, never happened. But still, I insisted on decorating the bunk every year. I ended up with 37 best friends, so I guess it worked somehow. #campies #shoutout

This one time, at my all-girls summer camp, our director had a nanny for her adorable baby, and it worked out perfectly that this nanny’s citizenship was approved right before July 4th. So, on the 4th of July, we surprised her by changing some of the lyrics to “Proud to be An American” to fit her life perfectly. It was the cutest thing that’s ever happened to me and then we ate a lot of cake with blueberries and strawberries because, obviously, we pretty much were not allowed to consume anything unless it was red, white, or blue.